Festive Survival Guide 3: Somatic boundaries for managing festive overwhelm

By the time we reach the middle of December, it is very common to feel stretched thin. Your diary might be full, your energy low, family demands high, and your nervous system buzzing from a steady stream of gatherings, group chats, expectations and “just one more thing”.

You might notice yourself saying yes when you want to say no, staying longer than your body can really manage, or coming home from social events wired, depleted or tearful.

This article is the third in a three-part Festive Survival Guide, designed to help you stay grounded and compassionate with yourself during a season that can otherwise feel overwhelming.

In this series we explore:

• Part 1: supporting your nervous system through festive food, alcohol and routine changes
• Part 2: Parts work and self compassion for when family dynamics activate old patterns
• Part 3: Somatic boundaries for managing festive overwhelm

In Part 1 we explored the physiological side of the season. In Part 2 we turned toward family dynamics and younger parts. Here in Part 3, we focus on somatic boundaries as a way of protecting your limited energy, honouring your capacity, and staying in kinder relationship with your body during busy or demanding times.

Somatic boundaries are not about becoming hard, distant or unavailable. They are about creating enough space, time and support for your nervous system to do what it does best: protect you, regulate you and help you connect in ways that feel sustainable.

Why the festive season can feel overwhelming

From the outside, the festive season can look like joy, connection and celebration. From the inside, your nervous system might be trying to manage a lot at once. There are often more social events, more decisions, more expectations and less time to rest. Financial pressures, family patterns and grief or loneliness can add another layer to the festive mix of feels.

From a nervous system perspective, overwhelm often arises when there is:

• too much input (noise, stimulation, people, requests)
• too fast a pace (back to back plans, short turnarounds)
• too little recovery time or support (sleep, regulation, alone time)

Your autonomic nervous system is always scanning for safety or danger and adjusting accordingly (Porges, 2011; Dana, 2018). When there is no room to slow down, say no or step away, the system can tip more easily into fight, flight or shutdown. You might notice irritation, anxiety, people pleasing, zoning out, emotional spikes or a sense of running on empty.

Somatic boundary work helps to give your nervous system pockets of safety inside a busy season. They help you decide what you have capacity for, what you do not, and how to move between the two with as much kindness as possible.

What are somatic boundaries?

Somatic boundaries are the ways your body communicates to you: “this is enough”, “this is too much”, “this feels ok” or “this does not feel ok”.

We might feel this through:

• a tightening in the chest or throat when we are about to say yes to something we do not want
• a heaviness, fog or collapse when we have stayed too long
• a squeeze in the stomach when we read a particular message or see a certain name pop up
• a small internal lift or softening when we imagine choosing rest instead

If we've experienced boundary rupture in the past, for example someone taking advantage of us, we might have learnt to dull or tune out from our own somatic boundaries if asserting them did not feel safe at the time.

In trauma-informed work, we gently seek to re-connect to these signals, which are seen as important information about your needs and capacity in this moment (Levine, 2010; Ogden, Minton & Pain, 2006; Mischke-Reeds, 2018).

Reconnecting to our somatic boundaries asks us to be curious: What is my body communicating to me? What happens if I believe my body? What happens if I let these sensations matter?

Listening to your nervous system’s “yes”, “no” and “maybe”

One simple way to begin working with somatic boundaries is to practice listening for your internal yes, no and maybe. You can explore this with curiosity and gentleness, as opposed to trying to get the perfect right answer all the time.

You might like to try this with a small festive decision, like whether to go to a particular event, stay later somewhere or add another plan to your week.

Step 1: Bring the option to mind

Close your eyes for a moment, if that feels ok, and imagine saying yes to the thing. Notice what happens in your body.

You might gently scan through:

• jaw and face
• throat and chest
• stomach and gut
• pelvis, legs and feet

Is there more tightening or more softening? More expansion or more collapse? More breath or less breath?

Step 2: Imagine saying no

Now imagine that you say no. Again, slowly notice what changes in your body.

Some people find that their body relaxes at the thought of saying no. Others feel anxiety rise. Whatever you notice is information.

Step 3: Make room for “maybe”

Sometimes the answer is not clear. Your system might be in “maybe”. This can be a sign that you need more time, more information, more regulation or a smaller step.

Three layers of festive boundaries: time, space and energy

If you feel ready to dip your toes into boundary work this festive season, it can help to practice listening to your body around three layers of boundaries: your time, space and energy.

1. Time boundaries

• leaving a gathering earlier than others to support your regulation
• scheduling no more than one social activity per day or per weekend
• keeping one “no plans” day over the holidays
• visiting for lunch but not staying overnight

2. Space boundaries

• taking short walks to recalibrate your system
• retreating briefly to a quiet room
• stepping outside to breathe or orient
• choosing where to sit to feel at ease

3. Energy boundaries

• declining conversations that leave you depleted
• not taking on emotional labour for the whole group
• limiting social media when it adds pressure
• confiding only in people who feel safe

Practicing boundary scripts & supporting your nervous system with breath

For many people, boundaries feel hard not because they do not know what they need, but because they are scared of the impact on relationships. This is especially true if, in the past, saying no led to punishment, conflict or withdrawal of care (Maté, 2003; Dana, 2018).

Humming breathwork

1. Inhale through the nose into the belly
2. Exhale with a slow humming sound
3. Repeat for 8–10 rounds

Time boundaries

• “I would love to come, and I will need to leave around nine to look after myself.”
• “I cannot do this evening, but I’d love to see you in January instead.”

Space & sensory boundaries

• “I’m just going to step outside for a moment; I’ll be back shortly.”
• “I’m going to sit over here where it’s a little quieter.”

Emotional boundaries

• “I care about you, and I don’t have capacity for this conversation right now.”
• “I’d rather not talk about that today — can we choose something else?”

Capacity boundaries

• “I wish I could do more, and this is my limit for today.”
• “I need to say no so I don’t burn out.”

A somatic boundary practice for overwhelm

When you feel overwhelmed, it can be hard to access language or logic. Somatic practices help your body feel into “where do I end and where does the world begin?” They support what Peter Levine calls containment and organised responses rather than collapse or chaos (Levine, 2010).

Reclaiming energetic boundaries — video practice

When we’ve experienced boundary ruptures or lived in fawn, freeze or dissociative states, we can lose touch with our own edges — not just physically, but emotionally and relationally too. This practice helps you reconnect with your energetic boundary: the space around your body that belongs to you. It’s not about building walls, but cultivating a felt sense of “this is me, and this is not me.”

By reconnecting to this invisible yet powerful layer of self, we begin to restore agency, safety and clarity in relationship.

How Somatic Self Healing supports boundary work

Boundary work is nervous system work. It touches on safety, attachment, fear of conflict, early experiences and the survival strategies your body learned to keep you connected or protected (Porges, 2011; Maté, 2003).

Inside Somatic Self Healing, we approach boundaries gently by:

• Building regulation first, so your body has more capacity to express needs without overwhelm.
• Mapping your patterns, including fawn, freeze, people pleasing and overgiving.
• Working with younger parts who fear the consequences of setting limits (Fisher, 2017; Schwartz, 1995).
• Practicing somatic boundary exercises that help your system feel “inside me” vs “outside me”.

Wrapping it up: choosing what is sustainable for your system

Festive culture often sends the message that more is more. More socialising, more giving, more doing. Your nervous system may have a different truth. It might be asking for more quiet, more slowness, more honesty, more choice.

Every time you listen to your body’s “no”, even in a small way, you practice self-respect. Every time you protect a pocket of rest, you participate in your own regulation and healing.

You do not need to get boundaries perfect — you are allowed to explore, to change your mind, to learn as you go.

If you would like support as you explore this, you can revisit:

• Part 1: supporting your nervous system through festive food, alcohol and routine changes
• Part 2: Parts work and self compassion for when family dynamics activate old patterns

And if you want a structured container to continue this work into the new year, Somatic Self Healing is here to support you.

References

Dana, D. (2018) The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. New York: W. W. Norton.

Fisher, J. (2017) Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors. New York: Routledge.

Levine, P. A. (2010) In an Unspoken Voice. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books.

Maté, G. (2003) When the Body Says No. Toronto: Vintage Canada.

Mischke-Reeds, M. (2018) Somatic Psychotherapy Toolbox. PESI Publishing.

Ogden, P., Minton, K. & Pain, C. (2006) Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. New York: W. W. Norton.

Porges, S. W. (2011) The Polyvagal Theory. New York: W. W. Norton.

Rothschild, B. (2000) The Body Remembers. New York: W. W. Norton.

Schwartz, R. (1995) Internal Family Systems Therapy. Guilford Press.

Siegel, D. J. (2012) The Developing Mind. New York: Guilford Press.

Winblad, N., Changaris, M. & Stein, P. (2018). “Effect of Somatic Experiencing training on psychological health.” Frontiers in Neuroscience, 12, 70.